Saturday, April 12, 2014

In the middle- a little Violet update

(this is an old post I started a couple weeks ago and never posted)

Well, I'm not winning any awards for tonight's dinner. I fed Violet leftover birthday cake, cheerios, diced turkey, and apple juice... in her walker while she watched Sesame Street. Yeah. She's having a rough day between extreme allergies and teething so I gave her all of the things she likes best. Last night I did food battle and made her eat what I ate, but tonight I figured she is battling enough other stuff, food doesn't need to be on that list.

I feel knee deep in the middle of mommying a "little." I can sing the entire theme song to Abby's Flying Fairy School, I know the name of Big Bird's teddy bear (Radar), and I have completely memorized almost every episode from season 2 of Yo Gabba Gabba. I know every song that her piano plays, her bouncer plays, and her nursery rhyme book plays. I also have memorized the tiny kitten book she makes me read her a billion times a day (you know, on the days when I don't hide it to save my sanity).

As of her one year check up she is:
W: 21 pounds 11 ounces
H: 29.5 inches tall
Giant head at 18.5 inches

She loves small books, rubber ducks, stuffed animals, knocking down blocks, emptying baskets, and generally destroying my home :) She LOVEs music and shoes. Those two are probably her favorites. She doesn't like to wear shoes so much as look at them.

She likes swinging at the park and she can say "duck," "uh-oh," "mama," "dada," and "thank you."

Spiritual gifts

To all of my friends who understand what it is to be an introvert and don't expect me to act like an extrovert, thank you.

I just got home from a baby shower. It was lovely and beautiful and the mom to be is one of the sweetest women I know. I went because I remember my shower and how much it meant to me that people came. It's nice to get gifts, but there is something special about someone showing up to celebrate. Coming home I'm exhausted and there is no physical reason for it. I spoke what little I had to for politeness to the people around me, and had a truly lovely conversation with the moms of the couple being celebrated. So there was no reason to be exhausted... except I was in a room full of people I didn't know for a few hours. It makes my heart race and I get nervous and anxious and awkward. I get a headache and start to feel incredibly overwhelmed when I'm around a large number of people- even if I know them, but more so when I don't know them. If you're a fellow introvert, you understand.

Now that I'm home and texting my husband about the shower and he has convinced me it's okay to let Violet cry in her bed a few minutes while I decompress, I realize something about my past. Most people don't know that when I was in college I took medicine for depression during the first two years. I went to a doctor my freshman year when I wasn't feeling well and he asked me a billion questions and determined that I didn't feel well because I was depressed. He gave me some meds and I took them for a while, then I started having panic attacks so I stopped taking them and switched to different meds, but continued to have panic attacks while in college (although strangely they seemed to stop not long after graduation). Sometime during those first two years I stopped taking the meds. I decided one day that I didn't need them and I quit. (I DO NOT recommend that ANYONE do this without consulting a doctor). I was perfectly fine and haven't taken them since then.

Looking back I don't think I had depression. I think I was overwhelmed by constantly being around so many people my age and it made me anxious and caused symptoms (which explains why the panic attacks stopped not long after graduation). I also think that my need to say no to spending time with friends and staying in bed holed up with a book away from others on occasion was a result of being an introvert, not signs that I was depressed. What's even more interesting to me is that as I progressed in my studies of my major (speech communication)- let's all laugh about that for a second- I became more and more aware of my personality and that I was an introvert and that knowledge along with the rest of what I was learning in my classes helped me learn to manage life so that I could survive without giving myself a nervous breakdown. This is my first time to ever look back and realize that all of my "symptoms" of depression were the same things that let me know I'm an introvert. I do believe that depression is a very real thing that some people struggle with, but I no longer believe that it is something I once struggled with.

Did you know that knowledge is a spiritual gift? I didn't. The above realization came through knowledge. God changed my life through that knowledge. It was a gift and it's one that continually changes me. I bring this up because I just got back the results from a spiritual gift survey I did and guess what gift I scored highest on? Yep: knowledge. I don't claim to know a lot, but I do believe that my understanding of the things I know is a gift from the Lord, and I'm thankful to have it pointed out.

Do you know your spiritual gifts? There are several lists in the Bible- here is one that I haven't read as much as the others.

1 Corinthians 12 (NIV)
12 Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.
Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.