Now that we seem to be moving out of the horrendous zombie phase (fingers crossed) I feel like I can relate the past few weeks of our little lives.
I want to preface with this: we absolutely love and adore our little girl- we couldn't be more happy that God blessed us with her and no amount of strife could ever make us feel otherwise. However, until about a week ago, she had become more like an angry little monster than a little girl.
About two weeks ago I would say we were in our own version of newborn hell. She fussed all the time, was almost never happy or even just content, and at night, she was near impossible to get to sleep, and even when she did go to sleep, she would wake up 3-4 hours later and not want to go back to sleep for the rest of the night. Because I'm with her all day (and at that point she was fussing most of the day, required me to hold her the ENTIRE time or would cry/scream, and she was eating an insane amount so I spent half the day feeding her), Cameron takes care of most of her needs after he's had a chance to shower after work (so in the evenings I could fix dinner and attempt to pick up a few things)- he was even pulling the night duty solo. What this means is that I was spending about 14 hrs 1 on 1 with her, exhausted, and still healing from the whole having a baby thing, and Cameron was working all day to come home to an exhausted wife, fussy baby, and a night of very little sleep. Needless to say, we were both getting cranky.
We were looking for solutions, talking to friends, and trying everyone's suggestions. Nothing seemed to be working, then someone said we should try taking her to a pediatric chiropractor. We did. The first night after taking her, she wasn't sleeping better, but she was more content. So while Cameron was still up with her a good portion of the night, at least she wasn't crying that whole time. Each time we've taken her it seems like she's more content and it lasts longer.
In addition to regular visits to the chiropractor, exactly one week ago I skimmed the entirety of Baby Wise and immediately put the principles into practice. Violet responded right away. She has steadily worked up in just one week from the above stated night-time torture, to now sleeping 6 hours at once and then wakes up once, gets changed and fed, and goes right back to sleep for another 3-4 hours (it's beautiful). Plus, she doesn't fuss when we put her to down to sleep at night. She's ready to sleep and when she wakes up the one time, after being taken care of, she goes right back to sleep. This means that we put her to bed and we get a little time to ourselves before calling it a night and once during the night Cameron goes in, feeds her and changes her diaper, and within 30min she is put back in her crib and falls back to sleep. I don't hear her until between 7-8am.
To all of those who told me to read Baby Wise before she was born, and to those who mentioned it afterwards, you were right. While I am sure there are babies and families out there who do better with a different system, this one works wonders for us and I am soooo thankful!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
There's nothing like a baby...
Six weeks ago today I went in to my OB for a regular check up at 36weeks and he told me I was going to have my baby and needed to go to the hospital. I had her about 14hrs later. Today I went back to my OB and took my precious little one with me. In regards to the (official tomorrow) 6 weeks of her life I've come up with a few "sayings" that are kind of like "you might be a redneck if..." except I'm not a comedian, so don't expect these to be funny.
There's nothing like a baby to make you lose weight.
-no joke... I am down now 12lbs from my prepregnancy weight (although before you read this and feel jealous if you didn't have a similar experience please note that I STILL look 4 months pregnant). I spoke to my doctor about this today because the truth is, I don't actually mind being fat. So long as I'm not in plus sized clothing, I'm pretty okay with my appearance. What I'm NOT okay with is looking like I'm pregnant when I'm not. So, it's time to start doing some crunches :( (and maybe buy spanx for between now and whenever I have done enough crunches to no longer look pregnant)
There's nothing like a baby to make you appreciate 4hrs of uninterrupted sleep.
-if you've ever had a baby, there's no explanation needed here.
There's nothing like a baby to make your standards of "good" go down so far.
-we've come to measure our status of being "good" parents by the fact that she's alive and healthy... and our new definition of a "good" night or day really just means our kid didn't scream the whole time and at some point she slept long enough for us to put her down and go pee.
There's nothing like a baby to make you stop caring what other people think.
-I don't care if people look at me when my baby screams. I also don't care if they think I'm crazy for having left her two nights in a row with my mom at just 5 weeks old, or for putting her in the church nursery at 5 1/2 weeks. I also don't care that pediatricians think I shouldn't put a little cereal in her bottle at night, or that I let her sleep on her tummy, or use the adorable crib bumper on her bed. I'm her mom. I get to decide what's right for her and us. The only opinion in regards to my parenting that matters to me (other than Cameron of course, we are a team) is Violet's. So if in 20 years she comes to me and tells me that I somehow damaged her in my parenting decisions, I will gladly explain why I did what I did and apologize for my failures. I don't make decisions lightly and her safety is at the top of my priority list, but I'm also an intelligent human being who doesn't feel the need to follow every "rule" put out there by people who think they know what's best: I do the research, take time to find out why they think I shouldn't do something, and then decide what's right for us.
I love my daughter with all of my heart. Getting her cost me a greater amount of pain/torture than I ever would have imagined, but she's worth more. However, as precious as she is to me, she isn't #1 in my life (aside from God of course). My husband comes first, my marriage comes first. When we are both exhausted and start snapping at each other, it's time to take a break and have someone else watch Violet long enough for us to rest and remember what it's like to just be "us" because twenty-something years from now, it's just going to be "us" again.
There's nothing like a baby to make you appreciate "us" time.
There's nothing like a baby to make you lose weight.
-no joke... I am down now 12lbs from my prepregnancy weight (although before you read this and feel jealous if you didn't have a similar experience please note that I STILL look 4 months pregnant). I spoke to my doctor about this today because the truth is, I don't actually mind being fat. So long as I'm not in plus sized clothing, I'm pretty okay with my appearance. What I'm NOT okay with is looking like I'm pregnant when I'm not. So, it's time to start doing some crunches :( (and maybe buy spanx for between now and whenever I have done enough crunches to no longer look pregnant)
There's nothing like a baby to make you appreciate 4hrs of uninterrupted sleep.
-if you've ever had a baby, there's no explanation needed here.
There's nothing like a baby to make your standards of "good" go down so far.
-we've come to measure our status of being "good" parents by the fact that she's alive and healthy... and our new definition of a "good" night or day really just means our kid didn't scream the whole time and at some point she slept long enough for us to put her down and go pee.
There's nothing like a baby to make you stop caring what other people think.
-I don't care if people look at me when my baby screams. I also don't care if they think I'm crazy for having left her two nights in a row with my mom at just 5 weeks old, or for putting her in the church nursery at 5 1/2 weeks. I also don't care that pediatricians think I shouldn't put a little cereal in her bottle at night, or that I let her sleep on her tummy, or use the adorable crib bumper on her bed. I'm her mom. I get to decide what's right for her and us. The only opinion in regards to my parenting that matters to me (other than Cameron of course, we are a team) is Violet's. So if in 20 years she comes to me and tells me that I somehow damaged her in my parenting decisions, I will gladly explain why I did what I did and apologize for my failures. I don't make decisions lightly and her safety is at the top of my priority list, but I'm also an intelligent human being who doesn't feel the need to follow every "rule" put out there by people who think they know what's best: I do the research, take time to find out why they think I shouldn't do something, and then decide what's right for us.
I love my daughter with all of my heart. Getting her cost me a greater amount of pain/torture than I ever would have imagined, but she's worth more. However, as precious as she is to me, she isn't #1 in my life (aside from God of course). My husband comes first, my marriage comes first. When we are both exhausted and start snapping at each other, it's time to take a break and have someone else watch Violet long enough for us to rest and remember what it's like to just be "us" because twenty-something years from now, it's just going to be "us" again.
There's nothing like a baby to make you appreciate "us" time.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Mommy Issues
So, in becoming a new parent there have been a few things I've had to learn to accept. Most of them
I expected, but there are a few that I didn't.
1. Regardless of what I choose to wear, my baby will find a way to make me immodest.
2. It is impossible to wake her up when she wants to sleep.
3. It is also impossible to put her to sleep when she wants to be awake.
4. Baby throw up is 100% unpredictable. There are no signs it is coming, and no matter how much you prepare, you will always find that you needed more of something to clean up the mess.
5. When a little baby cries, it is cute. When a little baby screams, it is headache inducing.
6. Baby farts DO smell. I always think she did something in her diaper only to find that the fart really was that bad.
The one thing I really didn't expect is the disconnect in relationship. I love her more than anything, and that was instantaneous the moment I realized she was mine. However, most days it feels more like I have a puppy than a child. I feel like I understand her needs better than anyone else, but I don't feel like there is much of a relationship because at this point, she isn't much of a person. I can't make her laugh, or tickle her, or really elicit much of a response from her for anything other than her basic needs. It feels pointless to read to her and she isn't interested in toys yet. It's hard to think of her as part of our family when my cats currently exude more personality. I understand that these things will change in time, but it doesn't make it easier now. I read about the development of babies and knew that it would be like this in the beginning, but I think that I somehow had it in my head that there would be some sort of magic bond when she was born that would make me feel like there's more to our relationship than there is right now.
The family newborn visits are done for the most part now. I absolutely loved it and am sooo thankful to have had my mom and then Cameron's mom here to help us get through these first few weeks. I don't know what I would have done without them (there is no way I could have taken care of Violet by myself when Cameron started going back to work so soon after the c-section). As thankful as I am to have had so much help, I am also thankful that we are now finally to the point where it's just us and I can start establishing a new normal for life. I'm ready to be the one who takes care of Violet during the day, and runs errands, and makes dinner, and does a few chores in between. I'm still rebuilding strength ( I mean hey, they cut through abdominal muscles to get her out, you don't rebound from that right away), but I'm strong enough and ready to start taking on the responsibilities of my home again.
I expected, but there are a few that I didn't.
1. Regardless of what I choose to wear, my baby will find a way to make me immodest.
2. It is impossible to wake her up when she wants to sleep.
3. It is also impossible to put her to sleep when she wants to be awake.
4. Baby throw up is 100% unpredictable. There are no signs it is coming, and no matter how much you prepare, you will always find that you needed more of something to clean up the mess.
5. When a little baby cries, it is cute. When a little baby screams, it is headache inducing.
6. Baby farts DO smell. I always think she did something in her diaper only to find that the fart really was that bad.
The one thing I really didn't expect is the disconnect in relationship. I love her more than anything, and that was instantaneous the moment I realized she was mine. However, most days it feels more like I have a puppy than a child. I feel like I understand her needs better than anyone else, but I don't feel like there is much of a relationship because at this point, she isn't much of a person. I can't make her laugh, or tickle her, or really elicit much of a response from her for anything other than her basic needs. It feels pointless to read to her and she isn't interested in toys yet. It's hard to think of her as part of our family when my cats currently exude more personality. I understand that these things will change in time, but it doesn't make it easier now. I read about the development of babies and knew that it would be like this in the beginning, but I think that I somehow had it in my head that there would be some sort of magic bond when she was born that would make me feel like there's more to our relationship than there is right now.
The family newborn visits are done for the most part now. I absolutely loved it and am sooo thankful to have had my mom and then Cameron's mom here to help us get through these first few weeks. I don't know what I would have done without them (there is no way I could have taken care of Violet by myself when Cameron started going back to work so soon after the c-section). As thankful as I am to have had so much help, I am also thankful that we are now finally to the point where it's just us and I can start establishing a new normal for life. I'm ready to be the one who takes care of Violet during the day, and runs errands, and makes dinner, and does a few chores in between. I'm still rebuilding strength ( I mean hey, they cut through abdominal muscles to get her out, you don't rebound from that right away), but I'm strong enough and ready to start taking on the responsibilities of my home again.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Our birth story.
I didn't cry the first time I held my precious baby girl. I didn't cry the second, third, or other subsequent times when she was placed in my arms. Perhaps I should just be thrown into the bad mom club for that, but it's what happened.
The entire experience of having a baby was difficult for me. I was constantly sick, tired, and felt like I had been reduced to a second class of being. I was unable to do for myself things I had always done and beyond that, I struggled the entire time with truly believing that I would get to meet my little girl. I had a hard time letting go of fears and really felt like things were going to go wrong in the end.
Even when my doctor told me to go the hospital I didn't believe I was going to meet her. I didn't think it was time yet and that I'd soon be going home to sit in bed for at least another week or two.
At the hospital, I did pretty well progressing on my own and dilating. After having been in labor and stuck in bed for a week, I changed my mind and decided that I wanted an epidural (contractions had gotten pretty strong and close together by then)l. I had no issues when I checked in, I was definitely in labor, and my first check at the hospital had me dilated 5cm. The epidural went in easy, I had been in bed the whole time I'd been there anyways, so it wasn't horrible having to stay there. I spent a total of 13 hours at the hospital in labor. A few hours after the epidural my progress had slowed, so I agreed they could give me a little pitocin. It didn't seem to be doing much of anything, so they increased the amount they were giving me. My little girl's heart rate steadily crept up and stayed high for about 6 hours with a few very dangerous spikes. They tried stopping the pitocin and I went back to progressing well on my own and made it 9.5cm. We were so close and her heart rate had been elevated for so long that they had me start pushing to see if we couldn't get her to push through that little bit left. Her heart rate wasn't going down despite stopping the medicine and they couldn't figure out what else might be causing it (all other things had been ruled out with tests, constantly turning me, and my lack of fever). Pushing wasn't getting her through without dilating that last little bit and after 6 hours of her heart elevated so high they didn't believe we could afford to continue waiting for me to progress. My baby was getting tired and so was I. I was told that we needed to make a decision as soon as possible before we no longer had a choice because her heart rate wasn't getting better.
Having to decide after all that time of contractions and getting that far and having pushed and actually felt her moving down was the hardest thing. I had no idea in the moment what choice to make and I looked to Cameron for what to do. I left the final decision to him because I trusted he would make the right one. We told them to go ahead and prep for the c-section.
They started giving me anesthesia for surgery and took me into the room and strapped me down. It was freezing. They started to do a few tests poking me and I could feel the pain from it so they gave me more anesthesia. I started feeling faint and looked up at the anesthesiologist to ask what would happen if I passed out... and that's all I remember.
I woke up an hour after the surgery. My little Violet was born at 2:59am on March 27, 2013. By the time I woke up from the anesthesia, she was clean and already measured/tested/etc. I was handed her wrapped up in a blanket and I remember being very confused. It hadn't registered in my head what had happened or that she was delivered. It really felt more like being in a state of shock. She came out 7lbs 13.4oz despite being qualified as a "premie" coming one day before 37 weeks. My doctor said it's highly unlikely I would have been able to deliver her if we had chosen to wait because she was so big.
No one ever really came and told me step by step what had happened to fill in the blanks for me of her birth. I was extremely medicated from the surgery and it took a long time for my brain to catch up to fuzzily fill in what must have happened.
The second time I held her and knew what was going on felt more like the first. She is so beautiful. She smells so good. I can't believe it's possible to instantly love someone so much. I love my husband very deeply- but it was a choice that I made to love him, and God has grown that love, but this little girl... I didn't have a choice: it was just there, bursting out.
I was stapled closed and had to be (and still am) on very good painkillers... not that they really keep me from feeling the pain (I'm pretty sure the only way I could have gotten out of feeling extreme pain would be to have them put me under and leave me there until I've healed more than I have so far). In the hospital I couldn't hardly move. I held her as much as I could, but my arms were weak with so much medicine and fluids being pushed through them, plus bruised from constantly having my blood pressure taken. Most of the time I just had to have someone sit her between my legs and I'd touch her hair or hold her fingers.
Being so limited in movement just subconsciously reinforced the idea in my head that she wasn't really going to be mine. I was blessed to have not just Cameron, but my mom and dad present through the whole birth and next day. My mom has stayed pretty much ever since then with me. Their celebration of her birth and encouragement through the whole process was huge for me. I desperately needed them.
The majority of the experience was a lovely, extremely painful blur. However, it wasn't until we were checking out that it all became real to me. March 29, at about 1pm all of our bags were packed, and we had seen all of our nurses and doctors for the last time. Cameron had gone down to bring the car up to the door, and while he was out, a nurse came in and had me sign the last paper and take off my baby's security band. The nurse then handed her to me and said "It's all yours now."
That's about the moment that I lost it. As soon as they left the room I burst into tears, feeling for the first time that this little girl was truly ours. Of all the people in the world, God chose us to be her parents. Best feeling ever.
The entire experience of having a baby was difficult for me. I was constantly sick, tired, and felt like I had been reduced to a second class of being. I was unable to do for myself things I had always done and beyond that, I struggled the entire time with truly believing that I would get to meet my little girl. I had a hard time letting go of fears and really felt like things were going to go wrong in the end.
Even when my doctor told me to go the hospital I didn't believe I was going to meet her. I didn't think it was time yet and that I'd soon be going home to sit in bed for at least another week or two.
At the hospital, I did pretty well progressing on my own and dilating. After having been in labor and stuck in bed for a week, I changed my mind and decided that I wanted an epidural (contractions had gotten pretty strong and close together by then)l. I had no issues when I checked in, I was definitely in labor, and my first check at the hospital had me dilated 5cm. The epidural went in easy, I had been in bed the whole time I'd been there anyways, so it wasn't horrible having to stay there. I spent a total of 13 hours at the hospital in labor. A few hours after the epidural my progress had slowed, so I agreed they could give me a little pitocin. It didn't seem to be doing much of anything, so they increased the amount they were giving me. My little girl's heart rate steadily crept up and stayed high for about 6 hours with a few very dangerous spikes. They tried stopping the pitocin and I went back to progressing well on my own and made it 9.5cm. We were so close and her heart rate had been elevated for so long that they had me start pushing to see if we couldn't get her to push through that little bit left. Her heart rate wasn't going down despite stopping the medicine and they couldn't figure out what else might be causing it (all other things had been ruled out with tests, constantly turning me, and my lack of fever). Pushing wasn't getting her through without dilating that last little bit and after 6 hours of her heart elevated so high they didn't believe we could afford to continue waiting for me to progress. My baby was getting tired and so was I. I was told that we needed to make a decision as soon as possible before we no longer had a choice because her heart rate wasn't getting better.
Having to decide after all that time of contractions and getting that far and having pushed and actually felt her moving down was the hardest thing. I had no idea in the moment what choice to make and I looked to Cameron for what to do. I left the final decision to him because I trusted he would make the right one. We told them to go ahead and prep for the c-section.
They started giving me anesthesia for surgery and took me into the room and strapped me down. It was freezing. They started to do a few tests poking me and I could feel the pain from it so they gave me more anesthesia. I started feeling faint and looked up at the anesthesiologist to ask what would happen if I passed out... and that's all I remember.
I woke up an hour after the surgery. My little Violet was born at 2:59am on March 27, 2013. By the time I woke up from the anesthesia, she was clean and already measured/tested/etc. I was handed her wrapped up in a blanket and I remember being very confused. It hadn't registered in my head what had happened or that she was delivered. It really felt more like being in a state of shock. She came out 7lbs 13.4oz despite being qualified as a "premie" coming one day before 37 weeks. My doctor said it's highly unlikely I would have been able to deliver her if we had chosen to wait because she was so big.
No one ever really came and told me step by step what had happened to fill in the blanks for me of her birth. I was extremely medicated from the surgery and it took a long time for my brain to catch up to fuzzily fill in what must have happened.
The second time I held her and knew what was going on felt more like the first. She is so beautiful. She smells so good. I can't believe it's possible to instantly love someone so much. I love my husband very deeply- but it was a choice that I made to love him, and God has grown that love, but this little girl... I didn't have a choice: it was just there, bursting out.
I was stapled closed and had to be (and still am) on very good painkillers... not that they really keep me from feeling the pain (I'm pretty sure the only way I could have gotten out of feeling extreme pain would be to have them put me under and leave me there until I've healed more than I have so far). In the hospital I couldn't hardly move. I held her as much as I could, but my arms were weak with so much medicine and fluids being pushed through them, plus bruised from constantly having my blood pressure taken. Most of the time I just had to have someone sit her between my legs and I'd touch her hair or hold her fingers.
Being so limited in movement just subconsciously reinforced the idea in my head that she wasn't really going to be mine. I was blessed to have not just Cameron, but my mom and dad present through the whole birth and next day. My mom has stayed pretty much ever since then with me. Their celebration of her birth and encouragement through the whole process was huge for me. I desperately needed them.
The majority of the experience was a lovely, extremely painful blur. However, it wasn't until we were checking out that it all became real to me. March 29, at about 1pm all of our bags were packed, and we had seen all of our nurses and doctors for the last time. Cameron had gone down to bring the car up to the door, and while he was out, a nurse came in and had me sign the last paper and take off my baby's security band. The nurse then handed her to me and said "It's all yours now."
That's about the moment that I lost it. As soon as they left the room I burst into tears, feeling for the first time that this little girl was truly ours. Of all the people in the world, God chose us to be her parents. Best feeling ever.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Did someone say NEXT WEEK?
Today I had another regular OB appointment. Did I mention we're to the point now where I go in once a week for an ultrasound and 20 mins where they do fetal monitoring and also monitor contractions? I'm technically 35 weeks and 5 days today- leaving exactly 30 days until Violet is "due." Now, I've been telling people for quite some time that she isn't waiting until April 18th. I've just known that she would come early.
After today's appointment I just want to shout to the world "I WAS RIGHT!" Of course, sure enough if I do that, I will end up eating the words. But... after monitoring contractions and fetal movement, the nurse decided that my doctor should "check me to see if anything is happening." Yeah... like that wasn't cryptic and alarming to a pregnant woman. I then had to wait for him to come which took like 20 minutes. Do you know how many scary/crazy things can run through your mind in that amount of time?
Well, as it turns out, I am about 2-3cm dilated and the contractions were such that he said I may already be in early labor. His exact words after that came out sounding almost like a blur so I had to say "HOLD ON, can you repeat that slowly?" He said "I wouldn't be surprised if you have the baby in the next week." NEXT WEEK! Can we just stop there for a minute. She isn't due for 30 days, and while I was sure she would be early, I didn't think this early. He followed that with telling me that I officially need to be on bed rest now and that I should be watching closely for signs of labor.
Just being dilated doesn't usually mean much.. but the contractions... which haven't stopped by the way... do tend to mean a little something. I've been having them consistently for at least the past 4-5 hours, but possibly longer. I've been having little ones off and on for weeks now and, while noticeable and slightly uncomfortable, they don't hurt so I don't pay much attention to them.
Either way... I'm glad we went out for the last of the "necessities" yesterday. My mommy is coming over tomorrow to help since I have a bunch of laundry that needs to be done and even more that is clean and needs to be put away. I sure am glad we did so much this weekend to prepare. I have three weeks worth of dinners pre-made in my freezer, the car seat is installed, and Violet's room is almost completely ready- we've even prewashed all the blankets, sheets, bibs, etc and newborn sized clothes. My kitchen is mostly organized and with a few little things here and there that Cameron could get done tonight, I think I could go to the hospital feeling relatively good about being prepared.
It's getting real people.
After today's appointment I just want to shout to the world "I WAS RIGHT!" Of course, sure enough if I do that, I will end up eating the words. But... after monitoring contractions and fetal movement, the nurse decided that my doctor should "check me to see if anything is happening." Yeah... like that wasn't cryptic and alarming to a pregnant woman. I then had to wait for him to come which took like 20 minutes. Do you know how many scary/crazy things can run through your mind in that amount of time?
Well, as it turns out, I am about 2-3cm dilated and the contractions were such that he said I may already be in early labor. His exact words after that came out sounding almost like a blur so I had to say "HOLD ON, can you repeat that slowly?" He said "I wouldn't be surprised if you have the baby in the next week." NEXT WEEK! Can we just stop there for a minute. She isn't due for 30 days, and while I was sure she would be early, I didn't think this early. He followed that with telling me that I officially need to be on bed rest now and that I should be watching closely for signs of labor.
Just being dilated doesn't usually mean much.. but the contractions... which haven't stopped by the way... do tend to mean a little something. I've been having them consistently for at least the past 4-5 hours, but possibly longer. I've been having little ones off and on for weeks now and, while noticeable and slightly uncomfortable, they don't hurt so I don't pay much attention to them.
Either way... I'm glad we went out for the last of the "necessities" yesterday. My mommy is coming over tomorrow to help since I have a bunch of laundry that needs to be done and even more that is clean and needs to be put away. I sure am glad we did so much this weekend to prepare. I have three weeks worth of dinners pre-made in my freezer, the car seat is installed, and Violet's room is almost completely ready- we've even prewashed all the blankets, sheets, bibs, etc and newborn sized clothes. My kitchen is mostly organized and with a few little things here and there that Cameron could get done tonight, I think I could go to the hospital feeling relatively good about being prepared.
It's getting real people.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Baby shower!
I am so thankful for all of the generous gifts we have been receiving for Violet. I'm thrilled to be blessed with friends and family that not only send things that are beautiful, but useful. I'm learning so much from my mommy friends about what to expect and what I will actually need. I'm so thankful to have such great resources and honest friends to help us transition and have realistic expectations.
The shower was lovely. It was nice to spend some time with friends and Amanda G. did such a great job with decorating and food! I loved having friends decorate onesies for Violet.
I received many lovely letters of advice and encouragement from family that was meant to be a part of the shower, but I figured out quickly I was too emotional to read them in front of friends (especially on so little sleep) so I'm excited to have this one part to share just between me and Cameron.
I feel like we have received so much more than I ever thought we would for her. I can't wait to hang up all her little clothes and put away her blankets and booties and start packing the diaper bag. We're installing her carseat this week and packing the hospital bag : ) Thank you to all who were able to make it for coming : ) I know I was less than gushing and wonderful and you were all so sweet. I especially loved getting to meet baby Kate.
I'm 34 weeks and 3 days today. I had another ultrasound and started fetal monitoring this past Thursday. She's healthy and growing exactly as expected with a strong little heart and incredible energy- she moves and grooves all day long. I've been noticing contractions almost daily for a few weeks now, but my doctor isn't worried about it. I've been really weak with a few other symptoms due to continued steady increase in my blood pressure. We're having to watch it closely, but at this point it's still in the safe range. We have a little over a month until she's due, but I have a suspicion that she isn't going to wait that long. I could be wrong... I mean, I thought she would be a boy (we had the ultrasound tech check again Thursday just to make extra sure before we paint the walls pink).
I'm starting to feel much better about everything. I feel like it's all starting to fall into place. My home is on it's way to being truly organized, my little girl's room is to the point that I think it will be finished in the next week, and I have almost everything I need for her when we bring her home.
The shower was lovely. It was nice to spend some time with friends and Amanda G. did such a great job with decorating and food! I loved having friends decorate onesies for Violet.
I feel like we have received so much more than I ever thought we would for her. I can't wait to hang up all her little clothes and put away her blankets and booties and start packing the diaper bag. We're installing her carseat this week and packing the hospital bag : ) Thank you to all who were able to make it for coming : ) I know I was less than gushing and wonderful and you were all so sweet. I especially loved getting to meet baby Kate.
I'm 34 weeks and 3 days today. I had another ultrasound and started fetal monitoring this past Thursday. She's healthy and growing exactly as expected with a strong little heart and incredible energy- she moves and grooves all day long. I've been noticing contractions almost daily for a few weeks now, but my doctor isn't worried about it. I've been really weak with a few other symptoms due to continued steady increase in my blood pressure. We're having to watch it closely, but at this point it's still in the safe range. We have a little over a month until she's due, but I have a suspicion that she isn't going to wait that long. I could be wrong... I mean, I thought she would be a boy (we had the ultrasound tech check again Thursday just to make extra sure before we paint the walls pink).
I'm starting to feel much better about everything. I feel like it's all starting to fall into place. My home is on it's way to being truly organized, my little girl's room is to the point that I think it will be finished in the next week, and I have almost everything I need for her when we bring her home.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Personality Ponderings
The closer I get my due date, the more I find myself wondering what this little girl will be like. More importantly, will she be an introvert or an extrovert?
I'm an introvert. That's why I don't know my extended family very well, I haven't built relationships with my husband's family, and I have very few friends. It's taxing for me to be around people. Participating in social conventions and pleasantries is draining for me. Groups make me nervous, team sports are beyond frightening and any sort of sporadic communication is stressful (this could just be running into an acquaintance at the grocery store). I don't like being away from what's familiar. I didn't want a baby shower because of the large amount of stimulation and pressure to participate in social conventions, but I felt in the end that I might regret not having one and it seemed that there were several people in my life who really wanted one for me. Even so, I've insisted on having it in my own home- at least that way I have some familiarity and I know where I can retreat.
It's not that I don't like people, or small group activities... I've often longed to feel like part of a group, but it's hard. I have to plan things ahead of time. It's important for me to have a heads up about things- if someone is going to stop by I need to know about when... I need to know when my husband is coming home each day even if that just means he texts me and tells me thirty minutes ahead of time. I even need to plan phone calls. It helps me to receive a text to plan a phone call for a certain time (I LOVE that my dad does this for me). More important than having things planned, I need down time. I have to have an escape route where I can regroup away from others before joining back in- like I said, it's draining for me to be around others, so I need time to refill.
I've noticed this all more and more since being pregnant- probably because I've been able to have so much more alone time. I don't wish introversion on Violet because it makes living in our society more difficult (this wouldn't be a problem in certain other countries). Any wish for her to be that way is selfish on my part because I understand the world of an introvert. Also, if she needs time to herself to recharge, it means that I will also have time to myself for recharging- not the case if she's an extrovert. I worry about my ability to handle being a stay at home mom if I have extroverts for children. I am easily over stimulated- and before you take that to mean something bad, it means I keep my phone on silent, my computer on silent, and I don't ever have the tv on unless I'm specifically watching something. I can't have music playing while the tv is going and I can't have a conversation while the tv is going. I can only have one stimulating thing happening at a time or it gives me a headache. Sometimes just watching too much tv at once can drain me. I even have issues with my husband's incessant need to make noise- usually humming. I just wonder how on earth am I going to deal with a child 24/7? I know they aren't quiet unless sleeping or getting into trouble...
I'm blessed to have Cameron. He's not like me- he likes stimulation- he would have music playing all the time and his phone is almost NEVER on silent. He needs people. He thrives on social interaction especially in larger groups where he can bounce from one person/conversation to another. The constant noise kids seem to make when they are awake is much less likely to drive him insane- really it's more likely to make him join in. I can just see him emulating all of the sounds and humming when he holds Violet. She's going to think he's the greatest. He will be.
I know that God will equip me to handle any challenge that Violet and I face, it's just that I want to know ahead of time what I'm up against. Will she be stubborn? shy? silly? sassy? quiet?
I'm an introvert. That's why I don't know my extended family very well, I haven't built relationships with my husband's family, and I have very few friends. It's taxing for me to be around people. Participating in social conventions and pleasantries is draining for me. Groups make me nervous, team sports are beyond frightening and any sort of sporadic communication is stressful (this could just be running into an acquaintance at the grocery store). I don't like being away from what's familiar. I didn't want a baby shower because of the large amount of stimulation and pressure to participate in social conventions, but I felt in the end that I might regret not having one and it seemed that there were several people in my life who really wanted one for me. Even so, I've insisted on having it in my own home- at least that way I have some familiarity and I know where I can retreat.
It's not that I don't like people, or small group activities... I've often longed to feel like part of a group, but it's hard. I have to plan things ahead of time. It's important for me to have a heads up about things- if someone is going to stop by I need to know about when... I need to know when my husband is coming home each day even if that just means he texts me and tells me thirty minutes ahead of time. I even need to plan phone calls. It helps me to receive a text to plan a phone call for a certain time (I LOVE that my dad does this for me). More important than having things planned, I need down time. I have to have an escape route where I can regroup away from others before joining back in- like I said, it's draining for me to be around others, so I need time to refill.
I've noticed this all more and more since being pregnant- probably because I've been able to have so much more alone time. I don't wish introversion on Violet because it makes living in our society more difficult (this wouldn't be a problem in certain other countries). Any wish for her to be that way is selfish on my part because I understand the world of an introvert. Also, if she needs time to herself to recharge, it means that I will also have time to myself for recharging- not the case if she's an extrovert. I worry about my ability to handle being a stay at home mom if I have extroverts for children. I am easily over stimulated- and before you take that to mean something bad, it means I keep my phone on silent, my computer on silent, and I don't ever have the tv on unless I'm specifically watching something. I can't have music playing while the tv is going and I can't have a conversation while the tv is going. I can only have one stimulating thing happening at a time or it gives me a headache. Sometimes just watching too much tv at once can drain me. I even have issues with my husband's incessant need to make noise- usually humming. I just wonder how on earth am I going to deal with a child 24/7? I know they aren't quiet unless sleeping or getting into trouble...
I'm blessed to have Cameron. He's not like me- he likes stimulation- he would have music playing all the time and his phone is almost NEVER on silent. He needs people. He thrives on social interaction especially in larger groups where he can bounce from one person/conversation to another. The constant noise kids seem to make when they are awake is much less likely to drive him insane- really it's more likely to make him join in. I can just see him emulating all of the sounds and humming when he holds Violet. She's going to think he's the greatest. He will be.
I know that God will equip me to handle any challenge that Violet and I face, it's just that I want to know ahead of time what I'm up against. Will she be stubborn? shy? silly? sassy? quiet?
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