We all know how to play the "one up" game and among moms it seems especially popular. In most cases I hate the "one up" game. Mostly because I think it's wrong. While I certainly want my child to succeed, my child belongs to God and because of that, her accomplishments should serve to glorify God, not me.
I do have an idea for the game that I think could be productive. What if instead of playing the game with our children as the pawns spouting their achievements, we did it with our spouses and spouted their Godly characteristics? We love to say good things about our children, but for whatever reason I find that women seem to have a hard time saying as many good things about their husbands.
The thing is, our husbands good qualities are something worth boasting. It's good for you, it's good for him, and it's good for others to hear. When we speak well of our husbands to others we tell them that we value our spouse. It's a great way to protect your marriage. When you consciously tell others about your husband's good qualities, it helps you to focus on them. That's good, because when you live with someone sharing all of life's moments together, it gets really easy to focus on their weaknesses. When you speak of your spouse's strengths you also give him a boost. It's good for him to hear praise from you. It's not like saying your spouse is better than others, it's just saying that these are the things about him that are worthy of praise. It's a way of showing that you are thankful for him. I think when we start spreading the good rumors about our loved ones, it encourages others to speak well of their loved ones too. Now doesn't that sound familiar?
1 Thess. 5:11: Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
Eph. 4:29: Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good
for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those
who hear.
Phil. 4:8: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is
just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if
there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think
about these things.
My husband is a protector. He thinks about what is best for me and protects me from myself. He doesn't tell me what to do, but in a very loving manner points me to see the things that aren't the best for me. He gives me a reason to quit the things I'm miserable doing when I haven't even hinted at wanting to quit. He sees what I need and goes after it. He loves our baby fiercely. He delights in her. He is a good daddy. Anyone who spends even the smallest amount of time with Cameron and Violet can see right away that he is a great father. He doesn't just love her when she's easy, He serves her when she is a mess. He is a good worker. He doesn't turn down an opportunity to provide for his family, and no job is beneath him. Whether it's waiting tables, wading through mud, sweating in the heat, cutting grass, or working in a factory, I know that he will do whatever it takes to provide for us. He acts with humility. He doesn't consider himself better than anyone else. All people are people to him.
I've never met a better man.
Now it's your turn. Feel free to leave a comment here, on fb, or just start telling others about your spouse's attributes that are worthy of praise.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
A note of encouragement
Typically I write a blog post for myself, but today I want to write something for you: a note of encouragement.
Right now life is really good. That's only for one reason though: I'm trusting the Lord and He is providing. The last five years felt mostly like wandering around in the wilderness for me and I feel like I've finally reached the promised land. I'm living out the life I was always supposed to have (not to say I won't stumble some more- in fact, I'd bet on it). Maybe you're not there right now. Maybe you feel like you're in the wilderness and it's dark and terrifying. Perhaps you're losing hope and doubting the path that you've taken. Just keep walking. The Lord is faithful and provides. After five years of the wilderness and finally coming out, I know this is true.
Recently we came to a point where there was no reasonable way for our bills to get smaller. However, between bills, food, and gas, we were spending more than we were bringing in and falling behind on things. We started talking about the possibility of me looking for a part time job (and because of Violet that would have almost necessarily meant working at a daycare). It's not what I wanted, but I'm the one who handles paying our bills so I knew it would be necessary. We hadn't told anyone we were looking for extra ways to make money, but right when we needed it, opportunities presented themselves. Someone needed occasional child care that I could provide without taking away too much time from my own home/family and without the headache of a daycare. At the same time our property manager was having trouble keeping up the lawncare where we live and Cameron just mentioned that he would be willing to take care of it if they were interested. No phone calls or applications. We didn't solicit the jobs, they just showed up (one literally at our doorstep). We didn't have a lawnmower or weedeater, but God worked that out too. We were GIVEN both by a sweet couple from our church. Between the two new "jobs" we have enough that I don't have to look for a part time job. Other people had needs we were able to fill, and by doing so, our needs were filled too. Tell me God didn't do that.
Maybe your struggle isn't financial. Perhaps like me God has been talking to you about something He wants you to do or be a part of. Maybe you are holding back for some reason. Whatever it is, talk to God about it. He cares. When He placed a need on my heart, I told my husband but stopped there. I thought about it and did some research on it, but that was it. I told God I was open to doing it, but that I didn't know where to start and I was scared to talk to someone about it. He knows me and He already knew my inexperience and anxiety when it comes to speaking up. He opened the door so that the exact thing I was being called to do was presented to me. Someone walked straight up to me, asked if I would pray about being a part of something and that something was exactly what God had already told me to do. All I had to do was say yes. He made it easy. That's not always how He works (trust me, I've been there) but that doesn't mean we can't talk to Him about our hesitations. Sometimes you have to do the hard thing, but then sometimes God sends you an Aaron. It's okay to ask God for what you think you need.
Maybe your struggle is your marriage. I know I've only been married for five years, but trust me, we've been through struggles beyond our years. We've hurt each other in ways that no one but God can heal. Praise Jesus that He is the great Healer. I've felt alone, abandoned, misused, betrayed, unappreciated, you name it. I've done just as much to him too. Marriage is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You will hurt your spouse and you will be hurt by your spouse in ways you never imagined. When you feel like giving up, hold on even tighter. When you most feel that divorce is the answer, recommit yourself to your vows and let your spouse know that you'd rather do the work than take the easy way out. I know you may think you're out of energy and that it's too much. Maybe you feel like you're doing it all alone. I've been there. God always has more strength to give you. When you think that you are out of forgiveness, that you have none left to offer, God will give you more. You can forgive your spouse of ANYTHING. Remember that God has forgiven you for everything. The Lord is always there, so you are never alone. The Lord has not abandoned your marriage or betrayed it and He wants more than anything to heal your wounds. He can heal all things, all marriages.
Whatever you are going through right now, God is faithful. His word is true. He wants to offer you an abundant life. Take it. Be thankful.
Right now life is really good. That's only for one reason though: I'm trusting the Lord and He is providing. The last five years felt mostly like wandering around in the wilderness for me and I feel like I've finally reached the promised land. I'm living out the life I was always supposed to have (not to say I won't stumble some more- in fact, I'd bet on it). Maybe you're not there right now. Maybe you feel like you're in the wilderness and it's dark and terrifying. Perhaps you're losing hope and doubting the path that you've taken. Just keep walking. The Lord is faithful and provides. After five years of the wilderness and finally coming out, I know this is true.
Recently we came to a point where there was no reasonable way for our bills to get smaller. However, between bills, food, and gas, we were spending more than we were bringing in and falling behind on things. We started talking about the possibility of me looking for a part time job (and because of Violet that would have almost necessarily meant working at a daycare). It's not what I wanted, but I'm the one who handles paying our bills so I knew it would be necessary. We hadn't told anyone we were looking for extra ways to make money, but right when we needed it, opportunities presented themselves. Someone needed occasional child care that I could provide without taking away too much time from my own home/family and without the headache of a daycare. At the same time our property manager was having trouble keeping up the lawncare where we live and Cameron just mentioned that he would be willing to take care of it if they were interested. No phone calls or applications. We didn't solicit the jobs, they just showed up (one literally at our doorstep). We didn't have a lawnmower or weedeater, but God worked that out too. We were GIVEN both by a sweet couple from our church. Between the two new "jobs" we have enough that I don't have to look for a part time job. Other people had needs we were able to fill, and by doing so, our needs were filled too. Tell me God didn't do that.
Maybe your struggle isn't financial. Perhaps like me God has been talking to you about something He wants you to do or be a part of. Maybe you are holding back for some reason. Whatever it is, talk to God about it. He cares. When He placed a need on my heart, I told my husband but stopped there. I thought about it and did some research on it, but that was it. I told God I was open to doing it, but that I didn't know where to start and I was scared to talk to someone about it. He knows me and He already knew my inexperience and anxiety when it comes to speaking up. He opened the door so that the exact thing I was being called to do was presented to me. Someone walked straight up to me, asked if I would pray about being a part of something and that something was exactly what God had already told me to do. All I had to do was say yes. He made it easy. That's not always how He works (trust me, I've been there) but that doesn't mean we can't talk to Him about our hesitations. Sometimes you have to do the hard thing, but then sometimes God sends you an Aaron. It's okay to ask God for what you think you need.
Maybe your struggle is your marriage. I know I've only been married for five years, but trust me, we've been through struggles beyond our years. We've hurt each other in ways that no one but God can heal. Praise Jesus that He is the great Healer. I've felt alone, abandoned, misused, betrayed, unappreciated, you name it. I've done just as much to him too. Marriage is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you differently. You will hurt your spouse and you will be hurt by your spouse in ways you never imagined. When you feel like giving up, hold on even tighter. When you most feel that divorce is the answer, recommit yourself to your vows and let your spouse know that you'd rather do the work than take the easy way out. I know you may think you're out of energy and that it's too much. Maybe you feel like you're doing it all alone. I've been there. God always has more strength to give you. When you think that you are out of forgiveness, that you have none left to offer, God will give you more. You can forgive your spouse of ANYTHING. Remember that God has forgiven you for everything. The Lord is always there, so you are never alone. The Lord has not abandoned your marriage or betrayed it and He wants more than anything to heal your wounds. He can heal all things, all marriages.
Whatever you are going through right now, God is faithful. His word is true. He wants to offer you an abundant life. Take it. Be thankful.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
In the middle- a little Violet update
(this is an old post I started a couple weeks ago and never posted)
Well, I'm not winning any awards for tonight's dinner. I fed Violet leftover birthday cake, cheerios, diced turkey, and apple juice... in her walker while she watched Sesame Street. Yeah. She's having a rough day between extreme allergies and teething so I gave her all of the things she likes best. Last night I did food battle and made her eat what I ate, but tonight I figured she is battling enough other stuff, food doesn't need to be on that list.
I feel knee deep in the middle of mommying a "little." I can sing the entire theme song to Abby's Flying Fairy School, I know the name of Big Bird's teddy bear (Radar), and I have completely memorized almost every episode from season 2 of Yo Gabba Gabba. I know every song that her piano plays, her bouncer plays, and her nursery rhyme book plays. I also have memorized the tiny kitten book she makes me read her a billion times a day (you know, on the days when I don't hide it to save my sanity).
As of her one year check up she is:
W: 21 pounds 11 ounces
H: 29.5 inches tall
Giant head at 18.5 inches
She loves small books, rubber ducks, stuffed animals, knocking down blocks, emptying baskets, and generally destroying my home :) She LOVEs music and shoes. Those two are probably her favorites. She doesn't like to wear shoes so much as look at them.
She likes swinging at the park and she can say "duck," "uh-oh," "mama," "dada," and "thank you."
Well, I'm not winning any awards for tonight's dinner. I fed Violet leftover birthday cake, cheerios, diced turkey, and apple juice... in her walker while she watched Sesame Street. Yeah. She's having a rough day between extreme allergies and teething so I gave her all of the things she likes best. Last night I did food battle and made her eat what I ate, but tonight I figured she is battling enough other stuff, food doesn't need to be on that list.
I feel knee deep in the middle of mommying a "little." I can sing the entire theme song to Abby's Flying Fairy School, I know the name of Big Bird's teddy bear (Radar), and I have completely memorized almost every episode from season 2 of Yo Gabba Gabba. I know every song that her piano plays, her bouncer plays, and her nursery rhyme book plays. I also have memorized the tiny kitten book she makes me read her a billion times a day (you know, on the days when I don't hide it to save my sanity).
As of her one year check up she is:
W: 21 pounds 11 ounces
H: 29.5 inches tall
Giant head at 18.5 inches
She loves small books, rubber ducks, stuffed animals, knocking down blocks, emptying baskets, and generally destroying my home :) She LOVEs music and shoes. Those two are probably her favorites. She doesn't like to wear shoes so much as look at them.
She likes swinging at the park and she can say "duck," "uh-oh," "mama," "dada," and "thank you."
Spiritual gifts
To all of my friends who understand what it is to be an introvert and don't expect me to act like an extrovert, thank you.
I just got home from a baby shower. It was lovely and beautiful and the mom to be is one of the sweetest women I know. I went because I remember my shower and how much it meant to me that people came. It's nice to get gifts, but there is something special about someone showing up to celebrate. Coming home I'm exhausted and there is no physical reason for it. I spoke what little I had to for politeness to the people around me, and had a truly lovely conversation with the moms of the couple being celebrated. So there was no reason to be exhausted... except I was in a room full of people I didn't know for a few hours. It makes my heart race and I get nervous and anxious and awkward. I get a headache and start to feel incredibly overwhelmed when I'm around a large number of people- even if I know them, but more so when I don't know them. If you're a fellow introvert, you understand.
Now that I'm home and texting my husband about the shower and he has convinced me it's okay to let Violet cry in her bed a few minutes while I decompress, I realize something about my past. Most people don't know that when I was in college I took medicine for depression during the first two years. I went to a doctor my freshman year when I wasn't feeling well and he asked me a billion questions and determined that I didn't feel well because I was depressed. He gave me some meds and I took them for a while, then I started having panic attacks so I stopped taking them and switched to different meds, but continued to have panic attacks while in college (although strangely they seemed to stop not long after graduation). Sometime during those first two years I stopped taking the meds. I decided one day that I didn't need them and I quit. (I DO NOT recommend that ANYONE do this without consulting a doctor). I was perfectly fine and haven't taken them since then.
Looking back I don't think I had depression. I think I was overwhelmed by constantly being around so many people my age and it made me anxious and caused symptoms (which explains why the panic attacks stopped not long after graduation). I also think that my need to say no to spending time with friends and staying in bed holed up with a book away from others on occasion was a result of being an introvert, not signs that I was depressed. What's even more interesting to me is that as I progressed in my studies of my major (speech communication)- let's all laugh about that for a second- I became more and more aware of my personality and that I was an introvert and that knowledge along with the rest of what I was learning in my classes helped me learn to manage life so that I could survive without giving myself a nervous breakdown. This is my first time to ever look back and realize that all of my "symptoms" of depression were the same things that let me know I'm an introvert. I do believe that depression is a very real thing that some people struggle with, but I no longer believe that it is something I once struggled with.
Did you know that knowledge is a spiritual gift? I didn't. The above realization came through knowledge. God changed my life through that knowledge. It was a gift and it's one that continually changes me. I bring this up because I just got back the results from a spiritual gift survey I did and guess what gift I scored highest on? Yep: knowledge. I don't claim to know a lot, but I do believe that my understanding of the things I know is a gift from the Lord, and I'm thankful to have it pointed out.
Do you know your spiritual gifts? There are several lists in the Bible- here is one that I haven't read as much as the others.
7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.
I just got home from a baby shower. It was lovely and beautiful and the mom to be is one of the sweetest women I know. I went because I remember my shower and how much it meant to me that people came. It's nice to get gifts, but there is something special about someone showing up to celebrate. Coming home I'm exhausted and there is no physical reason for it. I spoke what little I had to for politeness to the people around me, and had a truly lovely conversation with the moms of the couple being celebrated. So there was no reason to be exhausted... except I was in a room full of people I didn't know for a few hours. It makes my heart race and I get nervous and anxious and awkward. I get a headache and start to feel incredibly overwhelmed when I'm around a large number of people- even if I know them, but more so when I don't know them. If you're a fellow introvert, you understand.
Now that I'm home and texting my husband about the shower and he has convinced me it's okay to let Violet cry in her bed a few minutes while I decompress, I realize something about my past. Most people don't know that when I was in college I took medicine for depression during the first two years. I went to a doctor my freshman year when I wasn't feeling well and he asked me a billion questions and determined that I didn't feel well because I was depressed. He gave me some meds and I took them for a while, then I started having panic attacks so I stopped taking them and switched to different meds, but continued to have panic attacks while in college (although strangely they seemed to stop not long after graduation). Sometime during those first two years I stopped taking the meds. I decided one day that I didn't need them and I quit. (I DO NOT recommend that ANYONE do this without consulting a doctor). I was perfectly fine and haven't taken them since then.
Looking back I don't think I had depression. I think I was overwhelmed by constantly being around so many people my age and it made me anxious and caused symptoms (which explains why the panic attacks stopped not long after graduation). I also think that my need to say no to spending time with friends and staying in bed holed up with a book away from others on occasion was a result of being an introvert, not signs that I was depressed. What's even more interesting to me is that as I progressed in my studies of my major (speech communication)- let's all laugh about that for a second- I became more and more aware of my personality and that I was an introvert and that knowledge along with the rest of what I was learning in my classes helped me learn to manage life so that I could survive without giving myself a nervous breakdown. This is my first time to ever look back and realize that all of my "symptoms" of depression were the same things that let me know I'm an introvert. I do believe that depression is a very real thing that some people struggle with, but I no longer believe that it is something I once struggled with.
Did you know that knowledge is a spiritual gift? I didn't. The above realization came through knowledge. God changed my life through that knowledge. It was a gift and it's one that continually changes me. I bring this up because I just got back the results from a spiritual gift survey I did and guess what gift I scored highest on? Yep: knowledge. I don't claim to know a lot, but I do believe that my understanding of the things I know is a gift from the Lord, and I'm thankful to have it pointed out.
Do you know your spiritual gifts? There are several lists in the Bible- here is one that I haven't read as much as the others.
1 Corinthians 12 (NIV)
12 Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. 2 You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. 3 Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.
4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.7 Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. 8 To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, 10 to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
On this day
On this day one year ago I was in labor. I went to a normal OB appointment and didn't get to come home because despite being 3 weeks and 2 days before my due date, I was very much in labor and dilated past 4cm.
I haven't forgotten the pain. I remember how terrible I felt being pregnant. I was sick all of the time. Everything made me worse. I was put on bed rest because of early contractions and started dilating a full month before my child was due. I was completely miserable, and even worse than that, I was scared. I was scared that she wouldn't make it and that it would have all been for nothing. I was scared that I couldn't do it- that labor would be too much for me. And to be honest, I was scared that someday I would look back and regret having a child. I was afraid that it wasn't worth all that I had to go through. Being pregnant, having labor, having morning sickness, having a million tubes in me at the hospital, having my blood pressure taken so much my arms were bruised, and having someone cut through me with a knife and staple me shut- that was the worst pain I have ever been through. It was hell. Recovery was hell.
The thing is, even though I can't fathom worse pain and suffering than what I went through, I would do it again. Even with as vivid of a memory as I have of the worst of it, I still know that I WILL do it again someday. She's worth it. My little Violet is worth every single bit of suffering it took to bring her into the world.
The more I think about my own beautiful child and her birth, the more I am forced to think of Jesus and how much more suffering He went through so that I could be reborn. The truth is that while the suffering I went through was the closest I know to Hell, it wasn't the real thing. I was never once separated from the Lord. I never had to know for a second what it was like to be without Him. When I was cut and bleeding and in pain I was able to cry out to God and know that He heard me. He heard me because of the suffering of Jesus. That's huge to me. He was broken and bleeding and went through it all just so that He could have a relationship with me. ME. This selfish, whiny, lazy woman who complains about the littlest things. He said I am worth all that He went through. Anyone else think that's some crazy love?
I don't know if I'm connecting the dots as well in words as they appear in my head, but what a picture! My child can be difficult and whiny and downright exhausting. Some days I get frustrated and I know that as she gets older the struggle will continue, but it's worth it. I love her so incredibly much. I would do anything to have a relationship with her. There is nothing she can ever do that would for a second diminish my love for her or longing to have a great relationship with her. After just one year with her, this great mystery of the love God has for me has become so much more clear because I feel that way for her. If I feel so strongly about my child and would be so willing to endure great pain and suffering for her, how much must Jesus love me?
Praise God. One year ago I tasted the punishment for sin, (Gen. 3:16 "To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.") but praise the Lord I don't have to pay the full price. Thank you Jesus for taking that for me. Just as there is only one way for a baby to come out for life and that is through the mother, there was only one way for me to have eternal life and that was through Jesus.
I haven't forgotten the pain. I remember how terrible I felt being pregnant. I was sick all of the time. Everything made me worse. I was put on bed rest because of early contractions and started dilating a full month before my child was due. I was completely miserable, and even worse than that, I was scared. I was scared that she wouldn't make it and that it would have all been for nothing. I was scared that I couldn't do it- that labor would be too much for me. And to be honest, I was scared that someday I would look back and regret having a child. I was afraid that it wasn't worth all that I had to go through. Being pregnant, having labor, having morning sickness, having a million tubes in me at the hospital, having my blood pressure taken so much my arms were bruised, and having someone cut through me with a knife and staple me shut- that was the worst pain I have ever been through. It was hell. Recovery was hell.
The thing is, even though I can't fathom worse pain and suffering than what I went through, I would do it again. Even with as vivid of a memory as I have of the worst of it, I still know that I WILL do it again someday. She's worth it. My little Violet is worth every single bit of suffering it took to bring her into the world.
The more I think about my own beautiful child and her birth, the more I am forced to think of Jesus and how much more suffering He went through so that I could be reborn. The truth is that while the suffering I went through was the closest I know to Hell, it wasn't the real thing. I was never once separated from the Lord. I never had to know for a second what it was like to be without Him. When I was cut and bleeding and in pain I was able to cry out to God and know that He heard me. He heard me because of the suffering of Jesus. That's huge to me. He was broken and bleeding and went through it all just so that He could have a relationship with me. ME. This selfish, whiny, lazy woman who complains about the littlest things. He said I am worth all that He went through. Anyone else think that's some crazy love?
I don't know if I'm connecting the dots as well in words as they appear in my head, but what a picture! My child can be difficult and whiny and downright exhausting. Some days I get frustrated and I know that as she gets older the struggle will continue, but it's worth it. I love her so incredibly much. I would do anything to have a relationship with her. There is nothing she can ever do that would for a second diminish my love for her or longing to have a great relationship with her. After just one year with her, this great mystery of the love God has for me has become so much more clear because I feel that way for her. If I feel so strongly about my child and would be so willing to endure great pain and suffering for her, how much must Jesus love me?
Praise God. One year ago I tasted the punishment for sin, (Gen. 3:16 "To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children.") but praise the Lord I don't have to pay the full price. Thank you Jesus for taking that for me. Just as there is only one way for a baby to come out for life and that is through the mother, there was only one way for me to have eternal life and that was through Jesus.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Summer... oh Summer.
Dear Spring,
I'm burnt out. I give up. You win. I agree that I've taken on too much stuff. Therefore, I'm doing what I do best and walking away from it all. Between the allergies, billion trips to the doctor to make sure it's really just allergies and not something contagious, and the five million excuses and apologies for not showing up because my kid's eyes are crusted together or I sound like I'm dying from emphysema, or we have to go back to the doctor, it's all just too much. I'm looking forward to summer. No more allergies, no more music class, bible study fellowship, MOPS, childcare for the other MOPS group, quilting class, or even MDO. That's right, this summer we are forgoing Mother's Day Out. Violet is big enough to play with other kids now, so I'm just going to set up play dates for her and we will take it easy this summer. I'm done with all of the "mommy" activities (for now). I will continue learning to sew from Pam as often as we can arrange to meet, but that's it. Everything else is on hiatus for summer because this momma just can't keep up. In the Fall I'm thinking the only thing we will be doing is bible study fellowship.I love all of the things we are doing right now, but I couldn't do them all at once for very long without losing my sanity. I hear I need a little bit of that if I want to raise a somewhat stable human being. So today, on the first official day of Spring (as if that even means anything in Texas where it's been Spring off and on for over a month), I give up.
I expected things to be different by now, but they're not really. I thought that by this point I would be a pro. I would have everything together with a schedule full of educational activities to make my baby smart, she would be running around, I would have lost a bunch weight chasing her, and I would have regained my energy and quick thinking from before I had Violet. None of that has happened. She doesn't even walk yet, I'm still fat, can barely keep up with what day of the week it is, and just started our first "educational activity" a few days ago. By the way, DK's "My First Words" touch and feel picture cards are awesome. Violet really gravitates to them. (Purchased on Amazon).
Yeah. As it turns out, I'm not quite the mom I thought I would be. All of my visions of my sweet baby playing in the room we went to so much trouble to paint and decorate were just dreams: we never play in her room. It's just a place where laundry baskets full of clothes that never get put away go to die.
That's okay. I am in the process of changing our busy life so that maybe this summer, we might actually spend the afternoon playing in her room. It could happen.Oh Summer. I'm ready.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Good Enough Mommy
I don't make any claims to being a great mom. Honestly, I'm not trying to be a great mom. I'm happy with good enough. Anyone who knows me at all, (or for that matter has read this blog at all) probably already knows that. I'm not a perfectionist and never have been.
All I've ever tried to be is good enough. When I was younger that seemed like an impossible standard because I was judging good enough by what I perceived were others' expectations (which I don't believe we can ever really meet). Now, I take a much more reasonable approach. I aspire to good enough for me, and good enough for God. This is a big shift in priorities. First off, it's a huge load off my shoulders because there is no guess work involved. I know what I expect, and I know what God expects. Even better, I have Jesus standing for me in front of God. That gives me freedom.
As far as meeting my own expectations, well, that part is awesome. It means I give myself permission to be who God created me to be. God created me to be at home. He created me to be a mom. He created me to cook and sew and take care of the grocery shopping and manage the household accounts and schedule.
Right now I'm learning a skill I've wanted for my entire life- the ability to sew. After years of desire,small gifts of experience along the way, and miraculously two sewing machines given to me, God has graciously placed in my life two very different ladies and both with the willingness to teach me. One is teaching me to quilt and the other is teaching me to sew clothes and mend them. I don't aspire to be a great seamstress or to use my skill for profit, I just want to be able to make the most of my family's wardrobe, create useful gifts for friends and family, and someday pass the skill on to my own children. I don't have to do things perfectly. Not every stitch has to be exactly right and if I mess up a little here or there, so long as it doesn't compromise the integrity of the garment, who cares? Not me. If you are looking at my baby's outfit close enough to notice my sewing imperfections, you are probably looking too close at my baby. I'm good with good enough.
I had intended to make this post completely different and write a controversial piece about "Easter" and my beliefs about how it's wrong to teach our children pagan customs. (If you research the origins of "Easter" you quickly find that all sorts of familiar customs and even the name Easter have nothing to do with the resurrection and were later "Christianized"). While I would never defend the merging of one of the holiest Christian holidays with clearly pagan customs, I don't see reason in arguing the point either. While the customs were pagan, no one to my knowledge is still worshiping the goddess of fertility that Easter celebrates, or at least they aren't around here- which means that the holiday is no longer glorifying that pagan god. So the real issue isn't the origins of the traditions of the holiday, but rather how we glorify God in all that we do.
That is where good enough isn't good enough. I can let a lot of things slide in life. My home can be good enough, my food can taste good enough, my skills can be good enough, but our lives cannot merely be good enough. I can't "Christianize" the customs of the world and call it good enough. We have to be different. My little Violet must stand out because she was called to live a life "set apart." If I'm going to be a good enough mom, I have to train her to live like she doesn't belong here.What is the difference between the basketful of chocolate crosses and the basketful of chocolate bunnies? None. Let's not kid ourselves. Will my child decorate eggs? Will she participate in an egg hunt? I don't know yet. I can guarantee if she does, it won't be on resurrection Sunday, and it will be for a purpose that glorifies God.
For me, good enough is when we listen to the Holy Spirit's convictions and live accordingly. I choose to live intentionally and with conviction. Good enough is not compromising God's standards of holiness, but rather compromising my standards of mediocrity and rising to be set apart according to His calling.
All I've ever tried to be is good enough. When I was younger that seemed like an impossible standard because I was judging good enough by what I perceived were others' expectations (which I don't believe we can ever really meet). Now, I take a much more reasonable approach. I aspire to good enough for me, and good enough for God. This is a big shift in priorities. First off, it's a huge load off my shoulders because there is no guess work involved. I know what I expect, and I know what God expects. Even better, I have Jesus standing for me in front of God. That gives me freedom.
As far as meeting my own expectations, well, that part is awesome. It means I give myself permission to be who God created me to be. God created me to be at home. He created me to be a mom. He created me to cook and sew and take care of the grocery shopping and manage the household accounts and schedule.
Right now I'm learning a skill I've wanted for my entire life- the ability to sew. After years of desire,small gifts of experience along the way, and miraculously two sewing machines given to me, God has graciously placed in my life two very different ladies and both with the willingness to teach me. One is teaching me to quilt and the other is teaching me to sew clothes and mend them. I don't aspire to be a great seamstress or to use my skill for profit, I just want to be able to make the most of my family's wardrobe, create useful gifts for friends and family, and someday pass the skill on to my own children. I don't have to do things perfectly. Not every stitch has to be exactly right and if I mess up a little here or there, so long as it doesn't compromise the integrity of the garment, who cares? Not me. If you are looking at my baby's outfit close enough to notice my sewing imperfections, you are probably looking too close at my baby. I'm good with good enough.
I had intended to make this post completely different and write a controversial piece about "Easter" and my beliefs about how it's wrong to teach our children pagan customs. (If you research the origins of "Easter" you quickly find that all sorts of familiar customs and even the name Easter have nothing to do with the resurrection and were later "Christianized"). While I would never defend the merging of one of the holiest Christian holidays with clearly pagan customs, I don't see reason in arguing the point either. While the customs were pagan, no one to my knowledge is still worshiping the goddess of fertility that Easter celebrates, or at least they aren't around here- which means that the holiday is no longer glorifying that pagan god. So the real issue isn't the origins of the traditions of the holiday, but rather how we glorify God in all that we do.
That is where good enough isn't good enough. I can let a lot of things slide in life. My home can be good enough, my food can taste good enough, my skills can be good enough, but our lives cannot merely be good enough. I can't "Christianize" the customs of the world and call it good enough. We have to be different. My little Violet must stand out because she was called to live a life "set apart." If I'm going to be a good enough mom, I have to train her to live like she doesn't belong here.What is the difference between the basketful of chocolate crosses and the basketful of chocolate bunnies? None. Let's not kid ourselves. Will my child decorate eggs? Will she participate in an egg hunt? I don't know yet. I can guarantee if she does, it won't be on resurrection Sunday, and it will be for a purpose that glorifies God.
For me, good enough is when we listen to the Holy Spirit's convictions and live accordingly. I choose to live intentionally and with conviction. Good enough is not compromising God's standards of holiness, but rather compromising my standards of mediocrity and rising to be set apart according to His calling.
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