Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Personality Ponderings

The closer I get my due date, the more I find myself wondering what this little girl will be like. More importantly, will she be an introvert or an extrovert?

I'm an introvert. That's why I don't know my extended family very well, I haven't built relationships with my husband's family, and I have very few friends. It's taxing for me to be around people. Participating in social conventions and pleasantries is draining for me. Groups make me nervous, team sports are beyond frightening and any sort of sporadic communication is stressful (this could just be running into an acquaintance at the grocery store). I don't like being away from what's familiar. I didn't want a baby shower because of the large amount of stimulation and pressure to participate in social conventions, but I felt in the end that I might regret not having one and it seemed that there were several people in my life who really wanted one for me. Even so, I've insisted on having it in my own home- at least that way I have some familiarity and I know where I can retreat.

It's not that I don't like people, or small group activities... I've often longed to feel like part of a group, but it's hard. I have to plan things ahead of time. It's important for me to have a heads up about things- if someone is going to stop by I need to know about when... I need to know when my husband is coming home each day even if that just means he texts me and tells me thirty minutes ahead of time. I even need to plan phone calls. It helps me to receive a text to plan a phone call for a certain time (I LOVE that my dad does this for me). More important than having things planned, I need down time. I have to have an escape route where I can regroup away from others before joining back in- like I said, it's draining for me to be around others, so I need time to refill.

I've noticed this all more and more since being pregnant- probably because I've been able to have so much more alone time. I don't wish introversion on Violet because it makes living in our society more difficult (this wouldn't be a problem in certain other countries). Any wish for her to be that way is selfish on my part because I understand the world of an introvert. Also, if she needs time to herself to recharge, it means that I will also have time to myself for recharging- not the case if she's an extrovert. I worry about my ability to handle being a stay at home mom if I have extroverts for children. I am easily over stimulated- and before you take that to mean something bad, it means I keep my phone on silent, my computer on silent, and I don't ever have the tv on unless I'm specifically watching something. I can't have music playing while the tv is going and I can't have a conversation while the tv is going. I can only have one stimulating thing happening at a time or it gives me a headache. Sometimes just watching too much tv at once can drain me. I even have issues with my husband's incessant need to make noise- usually humming. I just wonder how on earth am I going to deal with a child 24/7? I know they aren't quiet unless sleeping or getting into trouble...

I'm blessed to have Cameron. He's not like me- he likes stimulation- he would have music playing all the time and his phone is almost NEVER on silent. He needs people. He thrives on social interaction especially in larger groups where he can bounce from one person/conversation to another. The constant noise kids seem to make when they are awake is much less likely to drive him insane- really it's more likely to make him join in. I can just see him emulating all of the sounds and humming when he holds Violet. She's going to think he's the greatest. He will be.

I know that God will equip me to handle any challenge that Violet and I face, it's just that I want to know ahead of time what I'm up against. Will she be stubborn? shy? silly? sassy? quiet?

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