To Know and Follow Hard After You

I was privileged to have a high school experience unlike any other. I came out with an excellent education, a decent amount of confidence, a great spiritual foundation, and one very good friend. Despite this, I would not, if given the chance, want to relive any of my high school years. (I would, however, like a video recording of all my history classes with Mrs.Allen- those videos would be worth more than their weight in gold).

I was even more privileged to attend a university where I found unexpected friends, mentors, and a whole side of myself that I think I had refused to believe existed before because it didn't fit the expectations of my culture.When I embraced this side of myself, I lost part of the old me. Some of the old me needed to be cast off because it wasn't genuine, but part of it was good and that's the part I'm now hoping to regain.

I don't think about my past often. (Or at least I don't anymore). I've made peace with the bad parts, accepted the good parts, and moved on. I have been happily living in the present and looking to the future for the past few years. What has me on this nostalgia train is music.

I've loved music since the day I was born. When I became a christian and my family started going to church regularly, I found great joy in the worship music of that time (starting in 1998). I learned about the great lengths of the love of God from Third Day's "Love Song." I was humbled by "We Fall Down"-( which is also the only song I ever learned to play on the guitar). I remember getting to church early and standing in a dark, empty auditorium singing to the Lord. I was always singing. In praise band, ensemble, and youth choir at church, and then in praise band and choir at school (not to mention at the top of my lungs in the car, humming down the hallways, and in my room with the headphones on).

When I went to college I still listened to music a lot, but I stopped singing as much. Then, when I graduated and got married, I almost stopped listening and singing altogether. The past five years have been the only five of my life void of music.

But, recently that has changed. Since coming back to Longview and finding Oakland Heights, I  feel like a slow fire has been building, reigniting my passion for the Lord and at the same time, for music.

How does all of this tie together? This slowly building fire reminds me of the passion I had when I was younger (particularly in high school). I don't want to go back to high school, but I do want the fire back. I've spent the last several hours listening to the same worship music I did in high school. I miss the music. I miss the worship within the music. I miss the boldness I had then (well, it was bold for ME). I mean, I stood on a stage to sing to the Lord. ME. I did that. That doesn't sound at all like me now, but I want it to.

Give me one pure and holy passion
Be my magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after You
To grow as Your disciple in Your truth
This world is empty, pale and poor
Compared to knowing You my Lord
Lead me on, and I will run after You