Today I am officially 26 years old. It feels old. Most years go by fairly meaninglessly and I feel no different, but this year I feel old. It could be because I'm now on the downhill side of my 20s, or it could be the fact that I will be transitioning from being "Amber" 100% of the time to finding a balance between who I am now, and the new person "Mommy" that I am becoming. I know that being a parent will change everything. It already has.
I don't feel like doing much these days. Honestly, if I accomplish just one household task a day I feel pretty good, and if I manage to accomplish more than one, I feel like superwoman. Little Violet just seems to suck the energy out of me. So, for my birthday I really just wanted to be comfortable and relax with my favorite things. I got just that- I slept in, got wonderfully comfy cute new pjs that I promptly put on, had my favorite meal for lunch, Cameron made my favorite dessert, and even put together dinner in the crockpot before he left for work this afternoon (he's working nights right now). We watched my all time favorite movie and just lounged on the couch. It was beautiful.
By the time Cameron left, I was feeling tired. I know, I hadn't done a single thing, but that's just how things go these days. I get tired for no reason. I feel the need to nap a LOT. I don't return phone calls unless they are from my doctor or pharmacy.. and honestly I only return those because I want them to keep me supplied in Zofran. Occasionally, if I'm feeling particularly well, I will return a phone call to my parents.
So, like I said, I was feeling pretty tired when Cameron left for work, and my mom called. She had texted earlier, and I hadn't responded. I just didn't feel like it, and normally I wouldn't have given it a second thought because I know she understands how exhausted I am all the time and how I get sick even with the Zofran, so she doesn't mind if I don't answer her calls or return them for a few days until I feel better. But today is different, you see, it's my birthday, and while normally that translates into a license to do whatever I want, in the few seconds after seeing the "missed call" on my phone from my mom I thought about the fact that 26 years ago she gave birth to me. She went through horrible labor and ripped wide open and had to stay in the hospital for days to recover. For the first time in my life, I felt like on my birthday, I owed her something. So I called her back. I told her thank you for sending me a card and texting me and such, but I wanted to say so much more. I thought in that moment of my sweet little Violet. I will want the chance to talk to her on her birthday until the day I die. I just couldn't deny my mom that right.
It was a new way of thinking for me. I think it means I'm growing up a little more.
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