Did someone say NEXT WEEK?

Today I had another regular OB appointment. Did I mention we're to the point now where I go in once a week for an ultrasound and 20 mins where they do fetal monitoring and also monitor contractions? I'm technically 35 weeks and 5 days today- leaving exactly 30 days until Violet is "due." Now, I've been telling people for quite some time that she isn't waiting until April 18th. I've just known that she would come early.

After today's appointment I just want to shout to the world "I WAS RIGHT!" Of course, sure enough if I do that, I will end up eating the words. But... after monitoring contractions and fetal movement, the nurse decided that my doctor should "check me to see if anything is happening." Yeah... like that wasn't cryptic and alarming to a pregnant woman. I then had to wait for him to come which took like 20 minutes. Do you know how many scary/crazy things can run through your mind in that amount of time?

Well, as it turns out, I am about 2-3cm dilated and the contractions were such that he said I may already be in early labor. His exact words after that came out sounding almost like a blur so I had to say "HOLD ON, can you repeat that slowly?"  He said "I wouldn't be surprised if you have the baby in the next week." NEXT WEEK! Can we just stop there for a minute. She isn't due for 30 days, and while I was sure she would be early, I didn't think this early.  He followed that with telling me that I officially need to be on bed rest now and that I should be watching closely for signs of labor.

Just being dilated doesn't usually mean much.. but the contractions... which haven't stopped by the way... do tend to mean a little something. I've been having them consistently for at least the past 4-5 hours, but possibly longer. I've been having little ones off and on for weeks now and, while noticeable and slightly uncomfortable, they don't hurt so I don't pay much attention to them.

Either way... I'm glad we went out for the last of the "necessities" yesterday. My mommy is coming over tomorrow to help since I have a bunch of laundry that needs to be done and even more that is clean and needs to be put away. I sure am glad we did so much this weekend to prepare. I have three weeks worth of dinners pre-made in my freezer, the car seat is installed, and Violet's room is almost completely ready- we've even prewashed all the blankets, sheets, bibs, etc and newborn sized clothes. My kitchen is mostly organized and with a few little things here and there that Cameron could get done tonight, I think I could go to the hospital feeling relatively good about being prepared.

It's getting real people.

Baby shower!

I am so thankful for all of the generous gifts we have been receiving for Violet. I'm thrilled to be blessed with friends and family that not only send things that are beautiful, but useful. I'm learning so much from my mommy friends about what to expect and what I will actually need. I'm so thankful to have such great resources and honest friends to help us transition and have realistic expectations.

 The shower was lovely. It was nice to spend some time with friends and Amanda G. did such a great job with decorating and food! I loved having friends decorate onesies for Violet.

I received many lovely letters of advice and encouragement from family that was meant to be a part of the shower, but I figured out quickly I was too emotional to read them in front of friends (especially on so little sleep) so I'm excited to have this one part to share just between me and Cameron.

I feel like we have received so much more than I ever thought we would for her. I can't wait to hang up all her little clothes and put away her blankets and booties and start packing the diaper bag. We're installing her carseat this week and packing the hospital bag : ) Thank you to all who were able to make it for coming : )  I know I was less than gushing and wonderful and you were all so sweet. I especially loved getting to meet baby Kate.

I'm 34 weeks and 3 days today. I had another ultrasound and started fetal monitoring this past Thursday. She's healthy and growing exactly as expected with a strong little heart and incredible energy- she moves and grooves all day long. I've been noticing contractions almost daily for a few weeks now, but my doctor isn't worried about it. I've been really weak with a few other symptoms due to continued steady increase in my blood pressure. We're having to watch it closely, but at this point it's still in the safe range. We have a little over a month until she's due, but I have a suspicion that she isn't going to wait that long. I could be wrong... I mean, I thought she would be a boy (we had the ultrasound tech check again Thursday just to make extra sure before we paint the walls pink).

I'm starting to feel much better about everything. I feel like it's all starting to fall into place. My home is on it's way to being truly organized, my little girl's room is to the point that I think it will be finished in the next week, and I have almost everything I need for her when we bring her home. 

Personality Ponderings

The closer I get my due date, the more I find myself wondering what this little girl will be like. More importantly, will she be an introvert or an extrovert?

I'm an introvert. That's why I don't know my extended family very well, I haven't built relationships with my husband's family, and I have very few friends. It's taxing for me to be around people. Participating in social conventions and pleasantries is draining for me. Groups make me nervous, team sports are beyond frightening and any sort of sporadic communication is stressful (this could just be running into an acquaintance at the grocery store). I don't like being away from what's familiar. I didn't want a baby shower because of the large amount of stimulation and pressure to participate in social conventions, but I felt in the end that I might regret not having one and it seemed that there were several people in my life who really wanted one for me. Even so, I've insisted on having it in my own home- at least that way I have some familiarity and I know where I can retreat.

It's not that I don't like people, or small group activities... I've often longed to feel like part of a group, but it's hard. I have to plan things ahead of time. It's important for me to have a heads up about things- if someone is going to stop by I need to know about when... I need to know when my husband is coming home each day even if that just means he texts me and tells me thirty minutes ahead of time. I even need to plan phone calls. It helps me to receive a text to plan a phone call for a certain time (I LOVE that my dad does this for me). More important than having things planned, I need down time. I have to have an escape route where I can regroup away from others before joining back in- like I said, it's draining for me to be around others, so I need time to refill.

I've noticed this all more and more since being pregnant- probably because I've been able to have so much more alone time. I don't wish introversion on Violet because it makes living in our society more difficult (this wouldn't be a problem in certain other countries). Any wish for her to be that way is selfish on my part because I understand the world of an introvert. Also, if she needs time to herself to recharge, it means that I will also have time to myself for recharging- not the case if she's an extrovert. I worry about my ability to handle being a stay at home mom if I have extroverts for children. I am easily over stimulated- and before you take that to mean something bad, it means I keep my phone on silent, my computer on silent, and I don't ever have the tv on unless I'm specifically watching something. I can't have music playing while the tv is going and I can't have a conversation while the tv is going. I can only have one stimulating thing happening at a time or it gives me a headache. Sometimes just watching too much tv at once can drain me. I even have issues with my husband's incessant need to make noise- usually humming. I just wonder how on earth am I going to deal with a child 24/7? I know they aren't quiet unless sleeping or getting into trouble...

I'm blessed to have Cameron. He's not like me- he likes stimulation- he would have music playing all the time and his phone is almost NEVER on silent. He needs people. He thrives on social interaction especially in larger groups where he can bounce from one person/conversation to another. The constant noise kids seem to make when they are awake is much less likely to drive him insane- really it's more likely to make him join in. I can just see him emulating all of the sounds and humming when he holds Violet. She's going to think he's the greatest. He will be.

I know that God will equip me to handle any challenge that Violet and I face, it's just that I want to know ahead of time what I'm up against. Will she be stubborn? shy? silly? sassy? quiet?

Today I was in a car wreck

Well, to start off I'd like to thank everyone who answered my call for prayers while on the road today. I am a firm believer that God not only hears, but responds to our prayers. I believe that today I was extended a great amount of mercy and grace, and I'm very thankful that God chose to protect little Violet and I from harm.

Late this morning I had a wreck on northbound I-35 just a few miles south of Waco. If you are unfamiliar with this stretch of road, the interstate shrinks down to two lanes and there is a stretch with no shoulder on the left side. There is a big concrete median on either side of the road (however the right side still has a shoulder between the road and the median). I hate those medians. It makes me very nervous to drive so close to the median when it's a big concrete barrier like that. This particular stretch of interstate also has some curves. They aren't really big, so you have to really watch the road to notice them and stay in the lines.

Note: last night Cameron and I stayed up past 2am packing. I was then unable to get to sleep. I rested in bed for several hours before getting up because I simply wasn't tired anymore and felt alert. I left our apartment just before 8am. I've been suffering from insomnia for quite a while now.

Ok, so here I am, driving down I-35 super nervous about the median, but I always drive in the left lane on I-35 and I've made this trek a million times before. All of sudden I believe that I've hit the median and I overreact (read over-correct) and begin swerving between lanes having lost control of my vehicle. On this stretch of road I would have been driving anywhere between 65 and 75mph. I try to slow down to regain control and instead my vehicle does a 90 degree spin. I'm now perpendicular to the road and blocking the right lane. A black SUV is coming right for me. He hits my car and I spin an additional 90 degrees and land on the right shoulder facing the oncoming traffic.

I took a few minutes to make sure I was calm enough to make a call, and then notified authorities. At that point I believed that my vehicle was probably still drive-able and it appeared that the SUV had also sustained only minor damage. A police officer arrived on the scene and helped me get off the interstate to a safer place.

As soon as we are all safely tucked away on the side of the access road, the man from the SUV came over to my car. He was an older gentleman who expressed great concern... but for me. He showed no concern for his own vehicle but only insisted over and over on being certain that I was not harmed. The officer spoke to the man by his vehicle about the wreck, and then came over and asked me what had happened. I told him that I really wasn't sure. I had hit the median and then lost control of my vehicle from there. The officer said gave me a different version of the story though. (His makes a lot more sense).

The officer said that it was much more likely that I only thought I had hit median (perhaps I had come very close and then over-corrected in fear). There are no scratches on the front or driver side of my car where the median was. Given the range of speed that I would have been driving when I hit the median, there would certainly be evidence on my car of the collision. The reality is- I didn't hit the median. The only impact that my car suffered was from the SUV that hit it.

The man in the SUV saw the entire thing happen and while unable to avoid hitting me, he was able to slow down his vehicle to what was estimated to be around 20mph upon impact.

His vehicle only had a minor scrape with a little bit of metal that had been pushed in near his tire. He was able to safely drive away and agreed to not press any charges, only to exchange insurance information.

My rear passenger door is completely crumpled. The metal was pushed in around my tire and I was told that I would not be able to make it back to Longview with my vehicle the way it was due to the metal rubbing the tire. I called AAA for a tow truck. While I was calling AAA and Cameron to let him know what had happened, I believe that the police officer called a friend. Not long afterwards, a man pulled up with a large truck that had tools I'm unfamiliar with. He seemed to recognize the officer and came over. The man used a tool to pull the metal away from my tire making it safe to drive. I asked him what I owed him or could do for him, and he refused any payment, but wished for my day to get better.

The officer (although he certainly could have) chose not to write me any tickets. He instead gave me tips on dealing with the insurance company to ensure they didn't try to get me to pay for things I shouldn't have to.

There are a million parts of this whole scenario that could have gone differently. I could have actually hit the median. I could have been hit by a driver who was paying less attention and was not able to slow down so much. I could have been hit by more than one driver, or a driver who was interested in getting as much as they could out of the deal. I could have been hit by a larger vehicle (read: one of many semi's that passed by after I was safely on the shoulder). I could have had a less kind officer come to the call and been charged heavy ticket fines or dealt with in a less kind and considerate manner. I could have had to have my vehicle towed and waited for someone to fix in Waco and been stranded. Violet could have been hurt.

However, none of those things happened. Violet and I were protected. We were shown great care, and offered kindness from strangers in an otherwise scary situation.

Thank you Lord for protecting us. Thank you for responding to the prayers of friends and family, and thank you for reminding me that I am here for a reason. You have a plan for the life of my family, and apparently, at least for today, that plan involves a little more time here on earth.

So I figured it was time for a donut : )

Today was my last time to see my obgyn here is San Antonio. I'm going to miss him.

After the appointment, I dropped by a dear friend's house to deliver an incredibly late birthday gift for her little boy. He was super cute and started talking about donuts and how his grandma often brings donuts when she comes over. It got me thinking...

At the appointment, I tried my best not to whine about my symptoms, but when it came to talking about sleep I just nearly started crying. I'm so tired. I really don't think I've managed more than 3 hrs in a single night over the past two weeks. After discussing the contributing factors with my Dr., we concluded that there isn't really anything more I can do about it (I've already tried everything)- he said that it's good training for having a newborn and to remember that it won't last forever. That was the down side of my visit.  Upside: All is well with little Violet. She's crazy active (which apparently is a good thing- although my sleep deprivation might try to argue). Her little heartbeat is steady right where it needs to be, and my "fundal height"- whatever that is- is right on track. In spite of drinking cocoa daily, I did somehow manage to lose a little weight between my last appointment and this one... which isn't really what you're hoping for when you're nearly 28 weeks pregnant. So, in light of my earlier conversation with a cute little boy, I figured it wouldn't hurt to stop for a few donuts on my way home : ) 

Now I'm eating Krispy Kreme donut holes, a burrito from taco bell (we're not even going to talk about where that craving came from), and drinking apple juice- that ought to tip to scales the right direction. Don't worry, I promise to snack on some fruit later and eat all my vegetables at dinner : )

Congratulations, You're 26 and Don't Have Diabetes!

I know, the glucose test is one of those things that at some point over 90% of pregnant women pass... and beyond that, those who don't still usually manage things well and have perfectly normal pregnancies with healthy babies.

The truth is, I wasn't really worried about my glucose test because of the pregnancy... more like the fact that I've had an insane sweet tooth since I was born (my first word was cookie... no joke). I love red meat, and I believe if you're going to take in a bunch of dairy, you might as well go all out and use real butter (I'd rather deal with fat which is something I can understand over a huge list of chemical crap that is sure to have a more interesting way of killing me in the future). Short story, until recent years, my diet has been totally setting me up for heart failure by the age of 30.

To know that I consistently have normal everything (cholesterol, blood pressure, thyroid whateverness, etc.) and now blood sugar, is quite a relief. Perhaps the insane amount of fast food I inhaled as a kid and processed foods that I loved and still sometimes indulge in won't be the death of me. Ok, so I eat them a little more than sometimes... I'm blaming pregnancy... we hadn't eaten hamburger helper in over a year until I got pregnant and suddenly started craving a strange mix of horribly highly processed foods (although fast food still makes me sick) and natural fruits/juices... sometimes together. Yesterday I dipped slices of organic apples into a spicy meat queso made with velveeta.


So congratulations to me... a car wreck is still the most likely way I will die if I go before age 34.

and the countdown begins...

100 days. According to my lovely little bump app, Violet is due to make an appearance in exactly 100 days. I figured that since I'm certainly on the downhill side of pregnancy it was time to read about what's to come.

That was a HORRIBLE idea. I feel like someone should have told me. NO... held me down and forced me to listen to what it's like AFTER birth. Why was this not a part of the my "sex ed" in high school? I mean, they show a million disgusting pictures of stds, but they leave out the one thing that most women WILL experience? I chose to save myself for marriage for spiritual reasons- but seriously, had I known what comes with birth- I may have just chosen a life of celibacy. 

Pads the size of diapers... burning pee... lack of bladder control... the desire for crazy creams, numbing sprays, and ice all packed down there? Losing tons of blood and passing clots? Not to mention all the swelling making things down there appear deformed? I don't even want to say what some of the women on the pregnancy boards said it looked like. Plus they described the pain of when the baby crowns as a "burning ring of fire." Oh... and it's not uncommon to have your tail bone BREAK? Lots of women rip down there, and so you also have stitches in such a sensitive obviously war damaged place to deal with?

I now understand why I had to beg my mother for a younger sibling. And in the midst of all the horror tales on the pregnancy boards are crazy 2nd+ time moms saying they forgot about all of it, but that they are looking forward to going through it again??? Some of them seemed to find the horrific comments laughable?!

The thing is, after reading through all of this and thinking that surely these women are lying- it can't be that bad or else women wouldn't do it more than once, I checked a more reliable source. My pregnancy books confirm that yes, all of these things can happen. My question is this-while if I can, I'd like to try a natural birth, when it's over will I get meds? I mean, surely they prescribe you something awesome to help deal with the recovery pain right?

My mom keeps telling me that the experience is horrible, but that it's all worth it in the end. Someone please tell me she's right. Tell me that those women on the pregnancy boards are being over-dramatic and that it's not really that bad. Tell me that between having my little Violet to snuggle and some awesome pain killers I won't really notice the horror down there.

I wasn't looking forward to the birth part, but now my countdown is an equal amount of anticipation to meet Violet, and incrible fear/dreading of the phsyical consequences of her coming out.