As mentioned before, I haven't been feeling good in the afternoons. Usually somewhere around 2pm I start to feel sick and don't start feeling better again until maybe 8pm. Yesterday it continued on into the night and I felt pretty awful until sometime around 2am.
My husband leaves in the morning long before I wake up, and by the time he gets home, I am pitiful. I go back and forth between sad, angry, bitter, bitchy (excuse the term but I don't know what else to call it), and downright mournful. My home smells. It's dirty. The dishes have been sitting in the sink for days. The trash needs to be taken out and the littler box needs to be changed. My fridge desperately needs to be cleaned out. But here's the thing, by the time I get up out of bed, I barely have enough time to fix myself something to eat so I can force down some pills and vitamins before I start feeling bad. The smells make me nauseous and the lovely skin condition on my hand is extremely irritated by soap. So not only is my house gross, but so am I.
This is what my husband comes home to everyday. So today when I got up I thought I might try to push myself to change at least one thing on that list. So I decided after lunch to try to take a shower. My legs haven't been shaved in over a week. I've been bathed by my husband pretty much every other day but I have a hard time making it in the shower long because the moisture makes me feel sick. So I thought that today I would give it a try because with all that he has to come home to after working a long day, I don't want to add disgusting wife to the list. I can be cranky and feel awful, but I should at least smell and appear clean. I got in, made it through washing (although my hands are sore from it thanks to the soap) and then I started getting tired. I had to turn the water to completely cold to keep from getting nauseous and sit down to attempt shaving my legs. All in all I was successful, I am clean and shaven. But naked. You see, all of that energy... well it was all I had. So now I'm in a towel. I'm curled up on the couch chair in my living room and unless nature calls with some sort of unyielding intensity... I'm not likely to find the energy to move from this spot. I have my laptop, a remote control, my phone, a bottle of water, and a stack of pregnancy books... I have everything I could possibly need... except clothes.
What's awful is that I can see this becoming a trend. Clothes aren't really comfortable anyway. I haven't gained any weight yet (and hope I don't for a while- supposedly that shouldn't start happening for a few more weeks at least) but in spite of maintaining my weight, I look puffy and my stomach feels huge due to the lovely bloating associated with my digestive system deciding to work in slow-motion. This means that my jeans are all highly uncomfortable, my tops aren't fitting cute like they did before, and well... bras are just horrible. Under-wire now seems more like a cruel form of torture.
Pregnancy is gross. The more I learn about it, the more I think that I should have thought more seriously about adoption.
