Two more weeks!

I'm 12 weeks exactly today (small celebratory dance in my mind inserted here). The last week or two has been completely miserable. I have progressed from getting sick a few times a week to a new minimum of at least once a day, but often more and I feel like getting sick all the time. I thought this was supposed to get better the farther along I get? Tomorrow night starts Cameron's vacation. We have tons of plans for the next week- things I've been planning and dreaming about since February. Last night Cameron asked me how I think it's all going to work out, and the truth is, I have no idea.

I've spent the last two weeks on my couch. No joke. I really, truly haven't left my house AT ALL. I don't think I've even put on clothes. I wear underclothes and take my pillows and sheet into the living room each morning. I have small spurts where I have enough energy to maybe get dinner started before Cameron gets home, or gather some of the trash that's accumulating from my "mission control" center, but the energy is quickly spent.

I'm still losing weight. Since the day I found out I'm pregnant (August 8) til today I've lost at least 6 pounds. I swear I eat everyday- multiple times. I'm getting sick more now, but honestly I'm not losing that much food (warning, tmi: I mostly get sick in the morning before I've eaten so what's coming up isn't food). I drink juice and almost everything I eat is high calorie. I'm really not sure how it is that I get virtually no exercise at all, I eat high calorie foods, and actually drink at least 300 calories a day, and yet I'm losing weight. I've sat and tried totaling my daily calorie intake to make sure I'm not depriving my little one- I'm getting at least 1500-1800 a day and sometimes more. So why does the scale keep showing smaller numbers? I'm not worried at the moment so much because I know it's common for a lot of women to lose a little during the first trimester due to sickness... But seriously, most women would be gaining weight with this lifestyle.

I'm ready to feel better. I'm going to give "vacation" my best effort and if nothing else, we can take a lot of naps. The good news is that this time next week I will be posting our new announcement pictures online and letting the whole world know we're having a little one! Cameron is just bursting to tell everyone. I know our parents (my mom especially) are having a hard time keeping the secret. (At this point we've only told parents and a handful of friends- Cameron's brothers don't even know yet!) It almost feels crazy that this has been the most consuming part of our lives for the past two months and hardly anyone knows.

Strangely, I'm still having a hard time finding the joy of pregnancy. I think it's a combination of still being early enough to warrant a higher risk of loss and the unending misery of symptoms. I'm hoping the next few weeks brings peace of mind and the symptoms start to lift so that I can return to life as a normal human being that walks, talks, eats and breathes without feeling like throwing up (seriously sometimes just talking on the phone makes me gag). 14 weeks is when I am considering the first trimester over- and it can't come soon enough.